On the Need to Write,

[dragoness_e]

And the need to permit myself creative failure

I need to write, or otherwise craft creative things. If I do not, my mind goes bad. I slowly drift into depression, and to date, the only effective therapy has been to write and make things... all the time. I've finally come to realize writing and crafting are not leisure-time luxuries to be indulged in after work and chores, if time allows, any more than an diabetic's insulin is a luxury item. They are necessities for my mental health.

I've been stopping myself from writing for months, telling myself I'm too busy, and that I don't have time to sit down and "do it right". I haven't written fanfiction because I feel I should move on to original fiction, and writing fanfiction takes away from the limited time I have to write anything else. I also need to learn to develop my own characters and worlds better, and not depend on a TV series to give me inspiration and plot hooks and setting.

However... in writing fanfiction I permitted myself to just dash off random drabbles, short stories, introspective bits that weren't necessarily coherent, well-plotted or even good. I wrote because I felt like it, and some of it sucked; most of it, didn't, but wasn't what you would think of as a full-blown story. I don't like the suckier pieces; most of them eventually got pulled down and rewritten, or just buried. Too much pride in my work.

I'm having trouble letting myself do that for original characters and settings. It's the problem that hobbled my writing for years before I discovered the freedom of fanfiction: I haven't given myself permission to write crap. I think I need to be able to write the same kind of character drabbles, short-shorts, silly stories, and so on with original settings and characters that I did with my fanfiction. Why? To develop those characters and settings the way I developed my picture of my favorite
canon and original fanfiction characters. More importantly, just to write. If I start writing something original and can't come up with a coherent plot or story for it, I throw up my hands in disgust and stop. That's Not Writing, and that won't do.

There's one other thing: I like it when other people enjoy my stories and say nice things about them.. or much of anything for that matter. Fanfiction gives me rapid gratification--post my story, get comments. Original fiction... Well, if it's never even submitted, no one sees it but me and possibly my beta reader. No gratification there. If it's actually publishable, someone has to publish it first.... really delayed gratification, if any, ever. How does one get the same satisfaction from
telling original stories?

I have obstacles I must overcome, like the diabetic that's afraid of needles. Not Writing is not a survivable option.

Comments

[jill-dragon.livejournal.com]

You could always use fanfiction as a quick fix, and RPGs are good for that too. ;)

In some ways I think fanfiction lets a writer be more creative because it's a combination of someone else's ideas (sometimes multiple people) and our own. As a result fanfiction opens creative doors you wouldn't always find in your own original world.

[evilnel.livejournal.com]

I've been an avid reader of your DBZ fics for a long time, and I would LOVE to see some originals from you. I also started out with fanfics, but (and I know you're probably like this too) I couldn't stop putting characters into new, highly original settings, and adding in my own characters, and eventually thought 'hey, I can just do this with all my own characters.' And yeah, sometimes it does suck, but if you're a good writer it'll form into something, and then you'll edit the crap out of it and it'll get better and better. I have no illusions that my writing now is perfect, but if I hadn't written a couple failed novels I'd never have written one that didn't fail.

[dragoness-e.livejournal.com]

Do you have a published novel? Cool!

[evilnel.livejournal.com]

Lol, no, not published yet. By "not fail" I mean it tells a complete story, the characters develop, I finished it, it's been edited, it's actually a successful piece of literature. I'm looking for an agent, but really, even if I never sell it, isn't the point writing the story? And eager lj friends will be glad to read anything you should feel like posting! :D

[koilungfish.livejournal.com]

The first thing to do is make it a habit. Once it's habitual, it becomes much, much easier to do. Carve out a space in your day for creation, and sit down to do *something* every day. Once you get over the hurdle of "don't feel like it/not in the mood/want to do any damn thing else/don't wanna!" then it's all so much smoother.

I also found that doing something that tells yourself "we are going to write now" helps. For instance, before I write, I make a cup of [decaff] coffee which I drink whilst writing. I don't drink it at any other time. It's both a treat, a reward for doing what I need to do, and a stimulus to make my brain go "Oh hey, coffeesmell, time to write!".

[dragoness-e.livejournal.com]

Once you get over the hurdle of "don't feel like it/not in the mood/want to do any damn thing else/don't wanna!" then it's all so much smoother.

THIS. I'm having the devil of a time overcoming this, and the chores and responsibilities that I'm getting behind on stare at me in a huge pile and give me hordes of excuses not to write.

[koilungfish.livejournal.com]

There is ALWAYS a reason not to write. Heck, there's always ten reason not to write. Even if you clear your entire life of other responsibilities and have nothing to do *but* write you can always find a reason not to. It becomes a question not of whether you have something "better" to do and more a question of whether or not you have the willpower to say "No, this half-hour a day is important to me, I need it to write in and I need to write, so STFU rest-of-the-world".

I need to take my own advice ... :P