I think I was dealing with the trauma of loss and devastation through writing, writing that let me change the fictional loss and devastation in the G1 world. I could make it not happen, or work characters through acceptance and a better resolution than we were given; such is the power of writing.
This August will be the tenth anniversary of my fiance's death. Over the years, I'd considered writing something about that loss -- a story, a novel, something that could use that pain and grief and help me to heal.
I couldn't do it. Not at first because it was too new, too raw. And over time it was like, how do I explain this to people? How can I get folks who have not been in this position to grasp what this feels like, how this hurts, how the depictions of widowhood in the popular media get things so damn wrong while at the same time often getting things so damn right?
So, the ideas got put aside and set aside and my actual writing of anything more or less dried up because I was busy with other things and just didn't have my fiction writing mojo.
And then I started writing fanfiction -- not a lot and nothing that touched on widowhood itself. I came close with a couple GI Joe fics that touched on loss, but not what widowhood felt like until I started writing Transformers fics.
There's probably some kind of interesting meaning to the fact that I couldn't talk about what it was like to lose my fiance until I dressed the pain up in that of a pair of minibots. But that was the best and easiest way to make it...for want of a better word, bearable, to write about.
In short (hah, too late!), I agree with you -- I haven't written Huffer/Pipes in a while and haven't much felt the need to but I do still luff 'em.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 01:12 am (UTC)This August will be the tenth anniversary of my fiance's death. Over the years, I'd considered writing something about that loss -- a story, a novel, something that could use that pain and grief and help me to heal.
I couldn't do it. Not at first because it was too new, too raw. And over time it was like, how do I explain this to people? How can I get folks who have not been in this position to grasp what this feels like, how this hurts, how the depictions of widowhood in the popular media get things so damn wrong while at the same time often getting things so damn right?
So, the ideas got put aside and set aside and my actual writing of anything more or less dried up because I was busy with other things and just didn't have my fiction writing mojo.
And then I started writing fanfiction -- not a lot and nothing that touched on widowhood itself. I came close with a couple GI Joe fics that touched on loss, but not what widowhood felt like until I started writing Transformers fics.
There's probably some kind of interesting meaning to the fact that I couldn't talk about what it was like to lose my fiance until I dressed the pain up in that of a pair of minibots. But that was the best and easiest way to make it...for want of a better word, bearable, to write about.
In short (hah, too late!), I agree with you -- I haven't written Huffer/Pipes in a while and haven't much felt the need to but I do still luff 'em.