Silly Dead End

[dragoness_e]

I've just given up trying to put these in comments. Here's the follow-on to Aerialbot Tango

Mistaken Identity?

aka Silly Dead End

Direct sequel to Aerialbot Tango, aka "Dancing Dead End".

---

If he hadn't been shot and kicked in the head quite so many times, Dead End might have realized that Optimus Prime, Jazz, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe together had a very similar radar image to Motormaster and the other three Stunticons....

Even Jazz was surprised when the dark red Stunticon came bouncing out of the underbrush to skid to a halt in front of them. Prime, Sunstreaker, and Sideswipe were quite frankly astonished; for one frozen moment the Autobots and the lone Decepticon car stared at each other.

"Motormaster!" Dead End said. "It is you! The way my optical processes are glitching, you could be Optimus Prime for all I can tell--in which case, I will no doubt be slagged in the next thirty seconds. The sky isn't really lime green, is it?" he trailed off.

The yellow Lamborghini quickly recovered his poise. "This is going to be just too easy--one scrapped Stunticon coming up!" Sunstreaker radioed over the Autobot command channel.

"Yeah, I'll soften him up, you give him the coup de grace, bro," Sideswipe replied. Meanwhile, Dead End started circling around the big semi that was Optimus Prime.

"Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, hold off--Prime, I got's me an idea," said Jazz on the same frequency.

"Go on," answered the Autobot leader.

"Seems like the Deadster is a bit confused--I want to take advantage of dat--see what tha' cat'll spill if he thinks we're friends," Jazz said.

"Do it, Jazz! Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, play along--be whoever Dead End thinks you are," Optimus ordered. By this time, Dead End had pulled up into his usual flanking position alongside the big semi, this time behind Breakdown--or rather, Jazz.

"What? I have to humor the miserable Stunti-creep? Great. Just so long as I get to slag him later. I just can't wait to see how surprised he's going to be," Sunstreaker grumbled.

"Hey, Sunny, this is going to be fun! Just go with the flow!" Sideswipe said.

"Which way are we going? I got the retreat order, but my navigational processor is down again. Probably would have driven off a cliff and broken into a million parts if I hadn't found you," Dead End said.

"Just follow me," Optimus Prime growled in an approximation of Motormaster's harsh voice as he shifted into gear and started moving.

"Oh, and I can't fly, either. Someone slagged my lifters after Silverbolt fried my forcefield. I'm a sitting duck, you know. When the Aerialbots come back, they'll hit me first, so you don't want to be too close to me. Hopefully, they'll all fire at once, and it'll be over quick," said Dead End morosely, following along.

"Ah, we'll deal with those fliers if they have the nerve to come this way," said Sideswipe.

"No doubt, Drag Strip, you'll bring them all down single-handedly," Dead End replied. "Alas, I shall be dead by then, having distracted them from your attacks by being blown into tiny shreds of metal."

"Don't sweat it, Dead End--we'll watch your aft," said Jazz, shifting smoothly as they rolled onto the main highway.

"Oh dear--I'm sorry about that, Breakdown. I know you hate having someone behind you, watching, but my cerebro-circuitry is so messed up, I'll wander off and get lost if I don't follow you," said Dead End sadly. "No doubt it will fail completely soon, and I'll just drop dead without warning. And I'm such a mess--all dented and scorched, and I've got grass and mud in my wheel wells..." Dead End sounded like he was about to burst into tears, if such a thing were possible.

"I'm beginning to see why Motormaster is such a slagging bastard," Sunstreaker radioed the other Autobots. "He's got this to put up with! This guy makes Huffer sound like a positive ray of sunshine!"

"All day, every day," replied Sideswipe. "I wonder what the rest of them are like?"

"I really don't want to know, Sides," said Sunstreaker. "I'm ready to kill him right now just to shut him the frag up!"

"Wildrider, are you okay?" Dead End asked, the slightest touch of anxiety in his voice. "You're so quiet...."

"I'm fine, damn it!" snapped Sunstreaker. "If you'd just shut off the non-stop monologue, some of the rest of us could get a word in edgewise!"

"Ah, you are functional," Dead End said, sounding slightly disappointed. "I was sure that your vocalizer had been fried, or more likely, you'd taken massive cerebro-circuitry damage, rendering you a mindless zombie."

"Enough of that!" growled Optimus Prime again. "What happened back there?"

"I'm not too sure--things are bit hazy since Silverbolt shot me--or was that when Sideswipe put a pile driver into my head? I do remember falling quite a bit--and getting kicked in the head, and I think Air Raid nearly took my head off with that torque rifle of his earlier--falling some more--someone's missiles nearly blew me up--and I nearly crashed with Silverbolt. It's all very confusing. I'll need some major repairs if, against all odds, I survive long enough to return to base."

"Bro, I think he's already been 'softened up'," Sideswipe radioed Sunstreaker.

"Between you, me, and the Aerialbots, yeah," replied Sunstreaker in a satisfied tone.

"No, you idiot," growled Prime harshly, "did you see who grabbed our target?"

"Oh, that," Dead End said, sounding bored. "We got there late, remember? Starscream was just barely able to track the enemy jets getting away with Megatron's reactor."

Dead End's engines coughed softly, like a sigh. "...leaving we Stunticons, inevitably, to face destruction at the hands of the vengeful Autobots. I knew something like that would happen on this mission; we'd get split up and diced into scrap piecemeal."

"You always think that," Sunstreaker said abruptly.

"I know, and I've been pleasantly surprised to be wrong--but sooner or later, this miraculous luck of ours will fail, and I'll be right about the mission. You'll see--or rather, you won't, because we'll all be dead and not much care about it then," Dead End's engine made that funny sighing cough again. "Just my luck, I'll never get to gloat about being right because I'll be dead."

"PRIME! Can I please kill him now?" Sunstreaker begged over the radio.

"Aw, Sunny, you'd be putting Dead End out of his misery! And proving him right--sure you want to do that?" teased Sideswipe on the same frequency.

"Sunstreaker, Sideswipe--you know better! We respect all life, even Decepticons. Dead End is obviously badly wounded and he's no threat to us; we're not--I repeat, NOT--killing him in cold blood. It's one thing to defend ourselves and innocent bystanders, it's another thing to murder a nearly helpless enemy. Do I make myself clear?" Optimus growled over the radio.

"Perfectly clear, Prime," Sunstreaker responded, slightly subdued.

"We're not just letting him go, are we?" asked Sideswipe.

"No. We're taking him prisoner," answered Prime.

"Do you suppose they left any spies behind--watchin' us?" Jazz said softly and nervously to Dead End.

"COBRA? No doubt. They had enough warning to make their escape, though I believe they underestimated Starscream's speed and intelligence. He was able to track them. But they're forewarned; it will be a nasty fight. Probably massive casualties; I'll be surprised to see anyone besides Megatron again," Dead End said mournfully. He dropped back, and suddenly swerved right, pulling up behind Sunstreaker.

"Wildrider, are you wounded? My optics are still glitching--I know you're not dark puce--but that looks like a substantial dent in your rear bumper!" Dead End sounded concerned.

"WHAT?" Sunstreaker yelled, then swerved wildly from side to side. "Where? I can't see it from here! Sides--er, besides, I can't stop to take a look! Uh, Drag Strip, can you see?"

There was no answer from "Drag Strip".

"Drag Strip, I'm talking to you!" Sunstreaker snarled at Sideswipe.

"Me? Oh, right." Sideswipe took in the situation. "Might want to come up front, bright eyes--this highway is only three lanes wide!" As he spoke, Sideswipe accelerated, then swung in front of Optimus Prime. Sunstreaker pulled up beside him, then accelerated to keep himself just ahead of Sideswipe in the adjacent lane. Dead End obligingly closed the gap, bringing himself up beside Sunstreaker and ahead of Optimus Prime in the adjacent lane. Jazz was still beside Prime on the left.

"I don't see any damage," Sideswipe said. "Well, maybe a slight scuff, but that's it." Behind them, someone honked at the rolling roadblock made by the Autobot formation; traffic had picked up as they neared the city. Ahead, the highway divided; to the right, the direct route through city; to the left, the beltway.

"You may not be able to see it from that angle--it's deeper than a scuff," Dead End said, sidling to the right. Sideswipe sidled a bit more to the right, trying to see--

"It's right--THERE!" Dead End suddenly leaped forward and rammed into Sunstreaker's right rear bumper, sending the yellow Lamborghini lurching across Sideswipe's nose--

Sideswipe slammed into Sunstreaker's driver-side door; an air horn blasted as Optimus Prime frantically braked--

Dead End shoved past Sunstreaker's right fender, tearing off a chunk of bumper as he went and plunged onto the right shoulder--

Too late, too slow--Jazz watched in horror as Optimus plowed into the two Lamborghinis, then hit the brakes frantically as Prime rolled over Sideswipe and Sunstreaker--

Dead End accelerated frantically, spraying gravel as he zoomed off the shoulder and down the highway at top speed--

Jazz plunged off onto the left shoulder, narrowly avoiding the two car and one semi pile-up--

--only to be rammed from behind by someone in a Ford pickup who'd also taken to the shoulder.

As Dead End took the right-hand fork into the city, weaving in and out of rapidly building rush-hour traffic, five jets screamed by overhead. "Now that was interesting! I was so sure they'd see through my little ruse and end it with a few well-placed shots. I am going to die the next time I meet Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, without a doubt, and probably very painfully--" his engine made that coughing sigh again, "--but it won't be boring. Not when I remind Sunstreaker of his 'dent'."

"DEAD END! WHERE THE SLAG HAVE YOU BEEN THIS TIME?" Motormaster hailed him over the Stunticon command channel.

"I tried to take Optimus Prime, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and Jazz prisoner, but things went awry and I had to run for it," Dead End replied.

".....!"

Comments

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*...LOVE!*

Especially Motormaster's wordless "!" at the end. Makes it. This is awesome, and your Dead End rocks. ^_^

[ravenclaw-devi.livejournal.com]

BWAH!!! :D